Thursday, February 25, 2010

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Let me tell you story, if I may.

I was at a county fair with some friends of mine.  We were enjoying the sites and sounds, eating our fair share of greasy food, walking by the beef barn checking out some fine lookin bulls and loving every minute of it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere this lady in white screams bloody murder and takes off running past us. We are obviously concerned:  Is she a city girl that stepped in a pile of horse poo?  Maybe a carnie hit on her a little too much and she freaked out? 

It was then that a very large shadow overtakes the entire area.  The lady in white is still running when an enormous beak takes her head off! Blood is shooting everywhere; I remember thinking that the lady in white is now a lady in red.

People are panicking.  It's a complete mad-house. 

I look up and there is a Godzilla-sized ostrich! I'll call her Lucy.  (If you aren't aware, ostriches love shiny objects.  We had neighbors growing up that raised ostriches and when I would do the chores for them I'd have to be careful not to wear shiny earrings because they would try to grab them.)

Lucy wasn't any different.  She loved shiny stuff too and noticed a pretty necklace around another woman's neck.  Before the thought even registered that I should take off my jewelry, her head was gone too. 

So we run underneath a tent and lower the sides on it.  I don't know what tent we are in, but there are tons of onions.  Lucy can smell them and wants them.  We start throwing the onions out of the tent and she's pecking at them and gobbling them down.  I remember thinking what terrible onion breath she is sure to have.  Which then makes me wonder how bad her human head breath already smells.  Maybe the onions will be an improvement. 

Lucy then gets underneath the tent and pecks away at another lady who didn't want to take off her jewelry, I told her to, but she wouldn't listen.  She thought I just wanted to steal her jewelry.  Hmph.  Like I would steal her jewelry, it wasn't even my style!  Lucy gets the side of the tent torn off and then... and then...... I wake up.

I've determined one of the main ingredients in Nyquil must be LSD.

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